Gorilla Adventures in Cubicle-Land

So the highlight of my month so far happened this past week:

The girl next to me and one of the guys were talking about being tan and he said he was more tan then she was.

She said, “no, you just have darker arm hair that’s not the same thing.”

A girl was walking by at the same time and overheard and said, “did you hear that?  She just said you were hairy!”

And he was like “Hairy?”

And the girl walking by was like, “yeah! Hairy like a gorilla!”

And the first girl goes “a gorilla! I never said that!”

and the hairy guy goes “gorilla!” and then does a gorilla impression by hunching over and hoping down the row of cubes with his arms up like a gorilla!

And another guy walks over because us girls are laughing so hard and asks “what’s so funny.”

So we tell him “that hairy guy just did a gorilla impression!”

And the new guy goes “oh? Like this?” and hunches over so his knuckles drag on the ground and slinks down the row of cubes grunting!

And we all laugh a lot and are like “no it was different”

and the hairy guy comes back and says “yeah like this!” and does his impression again but with more sound effects and then scratches his chest like a gorilla.

The other guy goes “no gorillas are like this” and proceeds to do his impression again.

So they are both doing gorilla impressions and I started laughing so hard I ended up wheezing and clapping like a retarded seal while the girl next to me laughs so hard she starts crying and has to pull out her inhaler.

And that is a true story and the highlight of my month!

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Realizations Dawning

Today was an interesting day filled with an array of emotions.  I thought about my life and had some realizations.  In no particular order here they are:

I keep thinking silly things about my job like, “So, this is how the other side lives…” This job doesn’t require a degree and in the warehouse you only make $10 an hour which is not enough to live on.  People mostly just have high school degrees or GEDs here and are almost entirely uninterested in the world outside their daily lives and are often unmotivated.  They’re resigned to their lots in life it seems. The problem with thoughts like these is that I realized I was thinking I was apart from “those people” I work with everyday. No.

I realized today that this really is my real life. 

This really is my job.

There’s no future in this position; no options for moving up, or making more money.

It is not going to improve.

I keep waiting for it to improve; I keep trying, but it’s just not going to happen.  My hands and arms are cut and torn up from all the boxes and shelves and physical labor of the job.  My hands are rough and course and my nails are jagged and short.  My feet hurt pretty much all the time but because I wear good shoes they’re soft and my toenails look great!  (They’re currently painted Hot Flower Pink.)  I work four days a week but those days are hard.  Early start, hard work, long hours, and half the time also mandatory overtime leave me exhausted, grumpy, achy, and unmotivated.  By the time I get home I usually just want to lay down and go to sleep.  Sometimes I want dinner, but not usually.  Sometimes (frequently to my dismay) I’m even too tired to shower (standing more- NO WAY!)  Also, I get home but I have to go to bed so early I feel like I don’t have time to do the things I need to do, let alone the things I want to do.

If I had gone to Graduate School right after graduation, I would be halfway done at this very moment.  Instead, I’m living with two guys in BigCity working a deadend job for crap pay with approximately $50 to my name (and about $3,000 in credit card debt.)

I’m still not writing. I keep making excuses and hesitating.  Today I realized that not only does the world, my generation, not only do I need my book to be written, but we need it written NOW.  Not in two years, or whenever I get around to it.  I could positively impact the world with my stories if I could only write them down and get them out there.  I want to do that.  I just need to just do it.  (Author’s Note: But I didn’t.  Even this realization didn’t give me the kick in the pants to get it written. I was still too worried about getting it right.  I didn’t finished the first draft of my first novel until 2012.  Now I’m editing it.  I still believe I need to get it into the world and I’m working towards it.)

I need to put on my big girl panties and get a real job.  I’ve fallen into this job and now I’m drowning.  I keep getting low expectations, low standards, low appreciation, and no change and it has made me lower my own standards.  That is unaccetable to me.  It is difficult to admit and even harder to write but today I realized the importance of being honest with myself.  If I can’t be honest about where I’m at then there is no way I can begin to change my circumstances.

I need to value myself enough to do what is important to me.

I need to be at work on time because it makes me feel good.  Just because being on time doesn’t matter to my boss, coworkers, or company doesn’t mean I need to show up late everyday.  Just because I’m the only one who is on time doesn’t mean I should slack off.  Just because I seem to be the only one who cares does not mean that I should care less.  It also doesn’t mean that we are unimportant or that what we do is not important.

I am important.

I make a positive difference.  It might be in small ways but it does matter that I care.

I’ve gotten so down and had my soul so crushed by this job that today I actually had to ask myself if I had finally broken.

I have NOT broken!  I have bent and I will heal.

I will escape this job and leave the people behind better off then when I started the job.

I will move onward and upward.

The world is still my oyster.

I will not let this reality become my only reality.

I will change my surroundings to create and shape the reality where I can be happy.

I am finding a better job.

Boyfriend and I have been together for four years.  Someday we will get married.  We are going to travel.

I am happy and I am going to fight for it.

I deserve to be happy and will not stop once I find happiness.

I will not settle.

 

Meanwhile, In Faerie’s Imagination

“Inspiration struck as she was amidst the stacks.  Furtively, she looked around, pulled out her notebook and began furiously scribbling (hopping she could read it later!) 

“What are you doing?”  She screeched and jumped two feet into the air as her notebook went flying, pages in disarray.  “Get back to work!  That wasn’t counting!  Them was words on those pages!  I don’t pay you to scribble, I pays ye to count, move boxes, and count more!  Not scribble in yer little book!”  She picked up the offensive book in question and stowed it away quickly in her pocket and got back to working.”

 

This little scene struck me like a bottle falling on my head off a tall shelf today while I was working in the warehouse back room.  I looked around and didn’t see anyone so I pulled out my notebook and wrote it down.  It was fascinating to me because it was a fictionalized commentary about actual events that took place as a result of imagining the fictional commentary.  Ironically if my boss had seen me writing in my notebook she would have criticized me for it…. Some days all you can do is laugh in defiance of the madness of your surroundings.

 

Wednesday

So for this past weekend I concocted an elaborate plan to see both my parents and Boyfriend!  It was too complicated and not realistic.  Instead I used my dad’s plan- I went to HomeTown on Friday night (Vveerrryyy long drive: 31/2 hours after a full shift long.  I kept almost falling asleep during the last 45 minutes) and stayed until Monday morning.  On Monday I drove to CollegeTown and spend the day with Boyfriend! (and got an allergy shot).  Monday night I came back to Roommate’s house in BigCity and went back to work Tuesday (yesterday.)

HomeTown was fun!  On Halloween I hung out with my parents then we drove downtown to see all the costumes.  We had 3 trick or treaters!  Boyfriend only had 2.  I bought my dad Borderlands for X Box 360 but he didn’t like it…. That sucks because it was then a waste of money and a waste of a birthday present.  I hate getting presents for people that they don’t love. The Babies (dogs) were great!  Dad gave them a haircut so they looked ridiculous but were so soft!  Poor OldDog… he’s getting so old.  The cold makes him limp and he sleeps a lot.  He plays a lot too though and jumped onto my and my parents beds even though they’re really tall and he’s only a lil dog.  YoungDog was a spastic as ever but also rather sweet!  My mom was also good.  Once again she got me really excited about two books she got at the library that are not yet available to normal people!  She always gets the best books and I’m so lucky she shares them with me!  It was a great trip!  I cried a lot when it was time to go.

With Boyfriend in CollegeTown I also had a ton of fun!  We went to the bookstore and fed the ducks and had delicious lunch.  Then we went “home” and finished playing Final Fantasy X-2!  WOW!  The game was powerful and had a great ending and was such a great game!  We got the good ending too!!!!  I liked it better then the perfect ending (which we looked up online after so I could see what it was).  Boyfriend has played all the Final Fantasy games before but I haven’t so he introduced me to Final Fantasy X and X-2.  I totally loved them!  I cried even more when it was time to go.  The major flaw with my weekend plans was having to leave and say goodbye to everyone.

Tuesday I worked- it was alright.  I was entirely on my own and was doing the main area of the warehouse by myself.  J continued to get training on computer things (like last week).  It’s another example of how unfair things are.  I’m so over it.  Last night the big contract went live!  That meant that we had to call in to work this morning to see what time we had to go in.  The message wasn’t there before I had to leave the house for my long commute.  I just went to Starbucks.  I of course had my book with me.  While I was in line a coworker recognized me and invited me to join her and her friends!  YAY!  (I don’t think she remembered but she was the same girl who said hi to me, the first person to initiate nice contact to me at work!)  I ended up having coffee with CY, DE, CA, GC, and CL for two hours!  It was awesome!!! I got to learn about all kinds of work gossip.

Most interesting was the animosity/hostility towards my supervisor!  Two girls were even talking about physically fighting her!  (That freaked me out because I don’t deal well with violence but I assume they were joking so I’m not worried or anything.)  I don’t know what all went down to cause all this, but it is interesting nonetheless.  Perhaps the nuggets of bitchiness I’ve seen are seen by other people as well?  I don’t know and am not too worried.  I will find out for myself and decide my opinions about people for myself.  At work, it was a strangely paced day – it was a steady stream of orders but I was actually able to make and keep up with progress!  Woo!  Oh yeah!  At Starbucks the girls also invited me out Friday night after work to a little Mexican cantina bar.  I’M SO FREAKING EXCITED!  Yay work friends!  I’m not a big drinker and I have a long drive home but I’ll feed the animals half their food before I leave in the morning to tide them over and the rest when I get home late and I will just have one drink or a soda and not worry about it.  SOCIAL INTERACTION! YEAH!  I knew it would happen if I just kept smiling!

I can do my job but I’m definitely afraid that this is it.  Once again, J received training on computer stuff while I was stuck stocking shelves.  He doesn’t even want to be doing/learning it at all.  He literally makes faces and rolls his eyes while they’re training him and has told me he doesn’t like the sitting down/computer work.  He says he’d rather run around the warehouse floor then sit at the desk.  That should be perfect because I’d love to learn the computer stuff!  I’m frustrated because my boss said this week I would learn two new areas.  My week is half over and there has been NO training.  I feel like I’m whining but this reality is not what I was told the job was in my interview.  During the interview they made the job sound interesting.  It’s not. They made it sound challenging.  It’s only challenging in so much as having to work around the incompetencies of stupid people.  It’s not interesting and it’s not something I want to do.  My year has barely started and I’m already waiting for a transfer opportunity.  I need to get my Technician certificate.  It shouldn’t be too hard but it does cost $130.  I’d like to work more with computers.  I don’t want to work with the handheld PDA.  The stupid red laser scanner light hurts my eyes after only a couple of hours.  I’m afraid the reflections may be damaging my beautiful eyes and perfect vision!  I’m hoping this is a groundless, needless worry but I don’t know.  It’s not like there is any real recourse anyway even if I was going blind.  These big companies are terrifying like that.

Things with Boyfriend are fantastic!  Well, as fantastic as they can be while we still live in two separate cities.  I can’t wait until he moves up here!  I miss him terribly.  We have such fun together!  Even if we’re on the phone or texting we still just have tons of fun…  I’m off to sleep now!  Goodnight and sweet dreams of faeries dancing in the moonlight.

The Second Act

First day of my second week of work!  It’s rather surreal… I couldn’t sleep last night for many reasons, the main one being the speculation on whether I really have a job or not.  I worked 3 1/2 days, with a 1/2 day of orientation added for introduction to the company, last week.  Then, I had four days off.  It didn’t feel quite real… I guess it still seems too good to be true.  Today at work someone said “Hi” to me!!!!!  She initiated contact like I was a real person and not some placeholder between empty shelf and full shelf!  I was excited because I’d been in the zone, focusing on my tasks.  To be jogged out of concentration by a friendly greeting was a pleasant highlight of my day!  It was especially amazing because it was the very first time someone said hi to me first.  Like I didn’t say hi and she responded, SHE said hi to ME and I responded!!!

(Author’s Note:  This girl who said hi to me ended up becoming one of my closest friends and we still hang out all the time!!!)

I also officially met some lady I see all the time at lunch. We seem to have breaks at the same time so that was cool too!

Here is a strange phenomenon… I introduced myself to someone and he says, “Oh Faerie! I’ll remember that name because I live near Faerie Loop.”  (Author’s Note: Faerie is not my real name.  He was talking about my real name but in this blog I’m calling myself Faerie Reader instead of Realfirstname Reallastname. Just thought I’d clarify that no, my parents did not choose a cruel/crazy name for me like Hat, or Apple, or Faerie.) I introduced myself to another guy and he says, “I’ll remember you name because my dog’s name is Faerie!.”  I think this phenomenon is quite strange but two people have done it so it’s a phenomenon and not just a coincidence.

Today I trained in how to stock another area of the warehouse.  It doesn’t seem difficult or hard, rather there’s so much to do that it becomes a challenge.  I didn’t enjoy it because instead of being able to move from task to task, it just felt like I was diligently working but it didn’t matter because the numbers kept getting so high.  For example, I finally got the number of items I was supposed to be stocking down to 9! Yay!  Then I hit the refresh button and it turned out that I really had 60 lines!  It was extremely frustrating!  Also frustrating…my supervisor pulled me aside to talk about scheduling issues.  Basically I now work Tuesday – Friday.  I was going to work Sun-Wed but then a shift change happened.  Instead, I am going to be stuck with a crap schedule of Sat-Tues!  Yuck!

Bright-side: At least I’ll get more money…?  Lame!  My mom keeps reminding me (in addition to my optimism) that this is just a training job and/or “they’re” just testing me.  I’m beginning to wonder if that’s true.  So many people I work with have worked their SAME basic job here for YEARS.  I don’t think I could do it.  There doesn’t seem to be enough challenge for me to really stay.  I’m not even sure I like the job itself.

(Author’s Note: Turns out… I stayed for almost two years and I had the exact. same. job. that I started with and I worked that crap Sat-Tues schedule for the entire time.  I was never approved to change schedules because my boss had Sat-Mon off and didn’t want to work with me because she liked being the only female on the team while she was there. TOTALLY LAME but its amazing what you can grow accustomed to!)

Perhaps it’s just my loneliness talking.  When I get down my world seems to gray so maybe that’s why, or at least part of why, I’m so unsure about this position.  I’m trying to shine and stay positive.  If it all is a test… I hope it ends soon either way.  Although I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out.  Do I even want it to work out?  I think so.  I think I badly want it to work out because at least this is something.  Something I can be proud of…?  Maybe. But maybe because I can’t fully tell anyone what I do.  At least I get paid and get benefits and three day weekends.  (Boyfriend still hasn’t called and I don’t think he will.  We really don’t seem to have gotten any better at this whole long distance thing.  I’m tired and ready for bed so I can’t stay awake anymore, even if he hasn’t called. )

Dreaming of faerie music, sunshine, and bright tomorrows…

Loose Lips Sink Ships

My favorite quote from today’s training videos: “loose lips sink ships.”  Today was a good day!

I found out it was my Friday (since I worked Monday).  I felt/had-the-most-absurd-urge-to like doing a cartwheel today at work.  I didn’t because I’m pretty sure it’s not within the safety guidelines…

I ran around like a madwoman until lunch.  I missed the caterers again but I had Mountain Dew!  After lunch I was saved from running by doing MORE paperwork (training videos).  I stayed an extra half hour to finish them all.  I worked 38 1/2 hours this week- yay!  When turning in my time sheet I brought my backpack into the warehouse to the time puncher thing.  Apparently this was VERY BAD of me.  On my way out the door I had to take everything out of my backpack at the security desk so security could see I wasn’t stealing.  Blah!  I was really worried because I have my inhaler, but not the box for it with the prescription information saying its mine in there.  Everything was fine and the guard acted like it was no bid deal.  It was annoying and scared me though because I haven’t had to deal with those sorts of security restrictions before!

My supervisor showed me advanced computer programs and gave me a quick run through of them today.  Then she got me security clearance to use them!  NICE! Also, FINALLY!  This morning I decided the Flags will be my nemesis!  They are used in problem areas in the warehouse that seem to rarely be easy problems to solve.  I need to work on scheduling breaks and lunch and sticking to the times.  I was lonely and a bit sad at the end of the day because no on offered or invited me to hang out.  I probably shouldn’t expect too much because people tend to hang out with their training/orientation fellows.  Since I went through orientation by myself I am at a disadvantage.  I hope it gets better soon.  Tonight I had dinner with CollegeFriend!  It was super fun and she even treated me to dinner!  We were going to hang out after dinner, but I got REALLY tired.  It came from being awake at 5am and then working 10 1/2 hours in a warehouse all day.  We will hang out again soon (next week) which will be awesome!

I’ll probably go to CollegeTown tomorrow, driven by the needs to get an allergy shot, some more apartment things, and to see Boyfriend.  I’d wanted to wait so he could have some Brother time but I miss people.  Here there’s no one to help meet my “cuddle quota.”  I have a large personal space bubble and don’t like touching strangers but I really miss hugs! I even miss handshakes or slaps on the back, or even high fives.  It’s strange how you can be surrounded by people and still be so isolated.  It makes me want to branch out a little and try to high five people or something but not really because I seriously HATE germs.  Germs totally freak me out! My OldDog got a hair cut and I can’t wait to see it! He has a bandana and everything so I bet he just looks so smug!

Now, to bed and sweet dreams!