TOTAL BLOG EXCITEMENT!!!

OMGOMGOMG!!!!!

I just found out that one of my favorite websites, Offbeat Home & Life, is going to publish a blog post I wrote!!!!!!

I wrote the post a month or so after I got married back in 2012 and tucked it away.  A few days ago I found the post, thought it was awesome, and I polished it up and posted it here under the date when I originally wrote it.  It’s called “Stir Fridays, Wedding-Free Wednesdays, and Tasting Tuesdays.”  My favorite part about the post is that my husband and I still do Stir Fridays!!!  You guys, it’s been 3 years since we got married and we still do this habit we started in the year before that…  That’s amazing! That’s why I liked the post so much, because it made sense and was still working!  To be fair (and honest) we don’t do Stir Friday every week, but whenever we have stir fry, we call it that.  We still cook dinner together when we can and we still call a lot of our cooking experiences “Adventures in Cooking.”

We don’t generally go out to dinner on Tuesdays anymore either because our schedules have changed dramatically since I wrote the post.  We do keep a list of new restaurants to try and when neither of us has something specific in mind for dinner, we go to the list!  We moved about four months ago and although we’re only a few blocks from our old apartment we are technically in a new city.  We’ve been dutifully exploring new restaurants and delivery places.  We are still searching for a delicious pizza place but we found the most AMAZING sushi restaurant!

Wedding-Free Wednesdays has mostly faded from our routine… I think that using that rule/habit worked for us that we used until we didn’t need it anymore.  Perhaps our communication skills have gotten better and/or we just don’t have that kind of huge stressful event weighing down on us anymore.  While we don’t have a whole day set aside I think we are both good at communicating when we get overwhelmed and then we ease back off the topic or work to resolve the thing causing stress.

I’m so scared and excited!  Sending the post to Offbeat Home was a huge deal for me because:

1) I love that site and read it (seriously) every day,

2) I shared something I wrote with the intent to get it published, and

3) I linked the post to my blog.

I did a happy dance when I got the email and I ran around my house yelling about how excited I am!  Then, I made my husband dance with me and I read him the email (punctuated with lots of OMGs)… Now I figured I better post something with this year’s date on it so that if someone clicks the link to the blog they don’t think it’s a dead blog! Which leads me to…

A Little about the Blog

I have been posting on this blog for a couple of years now.  The way I usually post is to post things that I wrote in the past.  I like to do that because looking back I can add context to make the “old” stuff have more layers of meaning.  Like, the Stir Fridays thing… I posted it because it worked for us and is just a normal part of our lives now.  I love the before and after of the post. These days I try to post at least once a week.

I often consider posting about more recent events in my life but it’s complicated…  This is my “secret” blog.  I haven’t shared this blog with my family or friends because I wanted a place to share my writing without the anxiety of knowing everyone on my Facebook feed will be sent an update about it.  A lot of what I write about involves the people in my life and it’s not always comfortable to know that they’re going to read it.  (Since I stopped being friends with jerks I figure that if I told my friends I had a blog, they would probably read it.)   This blog started as a way for me to get more comfortable with sharing my writing.  (Seems like it’s working since I shared a post with a big website!)  Eventually I want to get comfortable enough that I will send my novel out into the world to try and find an editor and publisher.

There are a couple gaps when I stopped posting for a while… During one of these gaps I had a job where I didn’t feel comfortable having a “secret” blog because I was pretty sure it would get found, so I let it just hang out for a while.  After I changed jobs I picked the blog up again.  Then, last October I had some major medical issues to deal with (Downside, 3 major abdominal surgeries within 5 months. Brightside, not cancer! WOO!)   I’m actually still healing/recovering from these surgeries (nerve pain is a lingering, spiteful b**ch) but I’m getting better and that’s awesome! I’m working on a post about my advice on dealing with medical stuff when you have severe medical anxiety. I (perhaps surprisingly, perhaps not) have found a lot of success in dealing with medical-related things such as:

  • Scheduling appointments,
  • Actually going to medical appointments,
  • Having major surgeries,
  • Dealing with work after you’ve been injured and while you’re recovering,
  • Organizing medical bill and insurance statement mail,
  • Paying medical bills, and
  • Working with your partner throughout all that stuff above.

That post is one I also plan on sending to Offbeat Home because I looked for advice on this sort of stuff and it was hard to find.  I’m also going to be continuing to post about my Study Abroad trip to Italy. In addition, I’ll be posting my favorite photos from National Geographic’s photo of the day, funny things from Pinterest, and lots of book-related posts.

Thank you so much for visiting my blog and reading my stuff!  If you have requests for the type of posts you’d like to see more, please let me know if the comments below!

Ciao!

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Stir Fridays, Wedding-Free Wednesdays, and Tasting Tuesdays

You got married because you make a good team. You are good at doing things together; in fact you enjoy doing things together! Then the wedding planning comes along and suddenly “things together” often evolves into wedding things. I noticed when I was planning a wedding that it was pretty much always lurking in the back of my mind. I would be having a conversation with my fiancé about work, video games, or dinner and in one breath would say something relevant to the conversation and the next breath would be a question about the wedding, or a thought about the wedding. It didn’t matter if I was trying not to bring it up. It didn’t matter if the wedding had nothing to do with what we were talking about. It didn’t even matter if the wedding topic was relevant or not. It only mattered that the wedding leaked into all aspects of my life for the year that I was planning it. In fact, now the wedding is over and it is still leaking into everything. It is noticeable because of the vacuum it left in my life. Instead of constantly thinking, worrying, stressing, planning, organizing, and doing wedding things, I am not doing those things. And I notice. And it’s strange. And I don’t want it to be strange…but it is.

My wedding was almost a month ago and people have pretty much stopped bringing it up. But then I’ve found that I bring it up on accident. We will be talking about something and it will remind me of something that happened at the wedding and I will say it. Then sometimes I am embarrassed about it! How silly is that?! I spent a year planning something and am embarrassed that not even a month later I am still talking about it. I don’t think I need to be embarrassed because it was a big deal and now I’m married, which is also a big deal. It is important to remember that while the wedding is a big deal, so are other things. And while it is ok to think about the wedding, feel about the wedding, and even to obsess about the wedding, it is also ok not to do those things. Yes, I spent a lot of money, time, and effort… but I feel like I am ready to move on now. But while moving on, some of the things I (and my partner) learned and implemented while planning the wedding are going to carry over into married life. We’re still the same people, now we’re just married people with some bad habits and some good habits.

Here are three good habits my husband and I have carried over from wedding planning to married life: Stir Fridays, Tasting Tuesdays, and Wedding Free Wednesdays.

Stir Fridays:

Stir Fridays brings us back to us being a team. My husband and I make a good team. One of the things we enjoy doing together is cooking. So, on Friday (or whatever day “Stir Friday” lands on this week) we make stir fry together. It is an easy meal to make that has a big payoff! We shop for ingredients together choosing whatever sounds good this week. Next we chop vegetables together. Then one of us cooks while the other gets the dishes ready. It is an excuse to hang out together, to remind yourself and your partner why you make a good team. Bonus- Stir Friday can help you practice working as a team if sometimes you struggle with that!

Tasting Tuesday:

Tasting Tuesday came about because we wanted to try out different rehearsal dinner restaurants. We made a (and keep) a running list of restaurants to try. We tried going on weekends but the places were always packed and sometimes the prices were a bit higher. Also, we usually had plans on weekends so it became tough to coordinate. We decided that there was nothing stopping us from going out earlier in the week, thus Tasting Tuesdays began! We pick a new restaurant every week and go out for dinner on Tuesday. If we tried a restaurant but were not quite sure if we liked it or not, but we wanted to like it, then we add that restaurant back to the list for a later time. If we find a restaurant we really like, then we add that one back to the list too. If the restaurant doesn’t make it back on the list…well hey at least we had an adventure together trying something new!

Wedding-Free Wednesdays:

Wedding-Free Wednesdays came about because we both needed a break from the wedding planning. It was nice to have a no-pressure day. It was nice to have a day where we had permission to focus on other parts of our lives, where we gave ourselves a break from the stress and worry of our To Do Lists. It was nice to be able to forgive each other even if the wedding leaked into the day, which it often did. Wedding-Free Wednesday is a free day to just be together and not talk about the most stressful part of your life. While we no longer have to limit wedding talk, we take turns deciding what topic our Wednesdays will be free of each week. Sometimes it is family, sometimes its friends, sometimes its work. (Work is a bit tough because we still have to go to work, but at least we don’t have to rehash the problems of the workday when we get home.)

 

The most important things about these days is just to remember how much you love each other. When your love is overshadowed by wedding stress it can be a pretty miserable experience to plan a wedding. When you have islands of time where the stress is brushed aside, overlooked, and perhaps even forgotten while you focus on each other and your relationship without all the guilt or pressure, the wedding planning process because a lot more bearable, and sometimes even fun! Just remember, it’s the pressure-free part that makes these days a respite from the stress. If you make yourself feel bad because you called the florist on Wedding-Free Wednesday, you missed the goal.

Pi Dayand Bridesmaid Shoes

Shoes.  My future mother in law offered to buy my Brides Babe’s bridesmaid dress.  She called to talk with me about it and to ask aka demand about the shoes my two bridesmaids will be wearing.  I don’t care about their shoes! I really don’t!  A couple days ago I thought about the bridesmaid shoes and thought, gee I wonder if it would be cool if their shoes were the other color I haven’t got to use a lot yet.  And then I realized that I literally don’t care about other people’s feet.  All I want is for them to feel beautiful and comfortable on my special day so that they will also have a special day.  But no.  Nope.  That was too easy.  I couldn’t possibly just tell them to figure out what to do with their own hair, jewelry, makeup and shoes because then that would be too easy and putting too much trust into two of my favorite people, who coincidentally have been dressing themselves for more then 25 years each without any input or direction from me, whatsoever! REALLY?!?! SHOES?!?!!?  And yet I’m now filled with anxiety about shoes now.  It really is a ridiculous situation!  I wish she had a project other then the wedding to keep her occupied! GEEZ! 

 

 

Bride’s Babe, Writer’s Embarrassment, and Gaining a Twin

Today I asked my future twin to be my “Brides Babe!”  She said yes and is excited!  I’m SO GLAD!  She is going to wear the same style dress as my Maid of Awesome but in blue! So now Maid of Awesome is going to be in purple, Brides Babe is going to be in blue!  Maybe I can get them to wear red shoes or something?  It is so awesome to finally be surrounding myself with positive people.  I really feel quite lucky that we are going to be twins.  I’ve never had a twin before but since I’m marrying an identical twin who also happens to be married we decided that it makes us twins too!  We’re not just sisters in law, we’re twins in law!  Sometimes we say something at the same time and then we both laugh and say that we are working on our twin bond.  🙂  It’s awesome!!! I’m an only child at the moment but after the wedding I will have a brother, a twin, and two younger sisters. OMG!

We also need to figure out what to do for our wedding favors.  And our honeymoon… Fiance still hasn’t’ gotten his passport.  I despair that he ever will.  I think once he travels, he will get the travel bug like me.  We just need to pry him out of his comfort zone the first time and make it happen.  I’m trying to write everyday.  Even if it is just in this journal, I am trying.  Even if I don’t feel that I have much to say, I’m still trying.

Today I bought a power suit!  A wonderful skirt, a long sleeved jacket, and a fun hot pink shirt.  All I need now is an interview… I really hope the bank calls!  I should also focus and apply to the study abroad company job again.  That still seems like such a great place to work!

I will end tonight’s post with a quote from Richard Castle, “I don’t believe in writer’s block.  I believe in writer’s embarrassment.  A writer is embarrassed by the drivel they’re producing.”  That’s the approximate quote because I couldn’t write it down fast enough to remember it exactly but I still love it! SO TRUE! I FREAKING LOVE THAT SHOW! OMG Castle is super amazing!

 

More Excited then Stressed

Today was a good interesting day!  The final wedding invitation proofs came (version 3 for the record) and I am excited about them again! I think they look great and I’m thrilled with how they’re going to look!  Also, one of my mom’s younger friends who I’ve always been close to has offered to let me use her veil as my “something borrowed!”  Apparently it cost her $1500!  I don’t remember it specifically from her wedding 9 years ago but I do remember how beautiful she was!  Also I talked with my mom and my future mother in law about the wedding budget so we are all on the same page.  Things are looking up! 

i’m finally feeling more excited about the wedding than stressed!  YAY!  We also had our second premarital counseling session.  It’s going really well and is quite interesting.  It is also harder then I thought it would be at first.  That is the whole point though, so that’s good.  I love Fiance SO much!  I’m so happy we’re together!  He really is amazing!  Today I also finished our “WedSite!”  It looks awesome but my favorite part is the “Attractions” page.  Since the wedding is going to be in BigCity and we are the only people who live here and since the wedding is on a Friday, I spent a lot of time finding other BigCity “attractions.”  I included laser tag, the zoo, the science center, and other great places to visit including lots of great restuarants for a range of budgets.  I really had a fun time putting it all together.  I hope we get the invites out by the 15th!

 

Wedding Planning Nightmare Questions

Uuuuggghhhhh Wedding planning!  This beautiful dream has already turning into a nightmare!

The date isn’t right, the venues are too expensive, cookie cutter, bland, or outside. 

The colors don’t make sense.

You have no theme.

Who is in your wedding party?

What city is the wedding in?

Who is the officient? How religious is the ceremony? 

What type of food will be at the reception? 

Who is doing all the hair and makeup? 

Who will do the photography, the cake, the flowers, the decorations? 

How will the napkins be folded? 

What designer dress will you wear? 

What will the bridal party where? 

The groomsmen are wearing what? 

How will you get to the ceremony and/or reception? 

Where will the guests stay? 

How many guests will be attending? 

What kind of food and how will it be served? 

Open, closed, or no bar? 

What about shoes and jewelry? 

And the mothers; what color(s) will they wear? 

What time of day is everything? 

What is the budget? 

Who pays for what? 

What do you want? 

Are you having fun yet? 

Aren’t you just thrilled to be planning a wedding? 

Can we elope yet?  Please?

 

Confidence and Cooking: Meh

Tonight is the night before I start my new job.  I am having trouble sleeping.  It might be the Mountain Dew I drank with dinner…but it definitely is partially due to excitement and nervousness!  After so long in a warehouse, the thought of dressing nicely and sitting all day is a bit daunting.  I admit secretly that I feel out of place.  I helped someone with their resume a couple of days ago and had to wonder if I’m afraid.  That’s really sad!  Has my confidence really become so shaken?  Yes… yes, it has.  I hope I can gain more confidence in the coming weeks.  Until then I will fake it.  Hopefully no one will notice the difference.

I’m not having fun with the wedding planning.  We can’t do any planning without a date or a venue.  The venues are all going to be obscenely expensive!  I feel ill just thinking about it.  Also, my parents are really unsupportive of the date.  There are a few reasons why: heat, school, soon, and cost.  I don’t know if they can help financially at all or not.  Realistically, I think not so I don’t really know where that leaves Fiance and I.  Like I said… not having fun!  I don’t want to waste time looking at and worrying about something that may never happen in the first place.

I feel selfish being so happy about my new job and planning a wedding when there’s such sadness, chaos, and problems in the lives of the people I care about.  Maybe it’s a symptom of my lack of confidence.

Also, I’m scared to attempt P90X again.  There are so many what ifs involved.  I want to be smaller.  I want to be a size 10!  I know I can do it but it feels like a long hard road.  I went shopping at Marshall’s for new business casual work clothes.  It was a really unique experience because it was so much fun!  I really had a great time and I was quite successful!  I need to keep losing weight so I can continue to have positive shopping experiences!  We need to eat healthy again but it’s hard because it is so expensive.

Also, cooking is meh.

Maybe things will be different with this new job.  With so much changing so fast I don’t feel like it has all sunk in yet.  I haven’t quite landed on my feet or found my footing.  Time will help but with time comes more change.  I am so much better already and I feel happier.

I need to allow myself to bask in joy and love and remember to smile.