Confidence and Cooking: Meh

Tonight is the night before I start my new job.  I am having trouble sleeping.  It might be the Mountain Dew I drank with dinner…but it definitely is partially due to excitement and nervousness!  After so long in a warehouse, the thought of dressing nicely and sitting all day is a bit daunting.  I admit secretly that I feel out of place.  I helped someone with their resume a couple of days ago and had to wonder if I’m afraid.  That’s really sad!  Has my confidence really become so shaken?  Yes… yes, it has.  I hope I can gain more confidence in the coming weeks.  Until then I will fake it.  Hopefully no one will notice the difference.

I’m not having fun with the wedding planning.  We can’t do any planning without a date or a venue.  The venues are all going to be obscenely expensive!  I feel ill just thinking about it.  Also, my parents are really unsupportive of the date.  There are a few reasons why: heat, school, soon, and cost.  I don’t know if they can help financially at all or not.  Realistically, I think not so I don’t really know where that leaves Fiance and I.  Like I said… not having fun!  I don’t want to waste time looking at and worrying about something that may never happen in the first place.

I feel selfish being so happy about my new job and planning a wedding when there’s such sadness, chaos, and problems in the lives of the people I care about.  Maybe it’s a symptom of my lack of confidence.

Also, I’m scared to attempt P90X again.  There are so many what ifs involved.  I want to be smaller.  I want to be a size 10!  I know I can do it but it feels like a long hard road.  I went shopping at Marshall’s for new business casual work clothes.  It was a really unique experience because it was so much fun!  I really had a great time and I was quite successful!  I need to keep losing weight so I can continue to have positive shopping experiences!  We need to eat healthy again but it’s hard because it is so expensive.

Also, cooking is meh.

Maybe things will be different with this new job.  With so much changing so fast I don’t feel like it has all sunk in yet.  I haven’t quite landed on my feet or found my footing.  Time will help but with time comes more change.  I am so much better already and I feel happier.

I need to allow myself to bask in joy and love and remember to smile.


End of the Inventory Chapter

I have reached the end of the Inventory Job chapter of my life!!! FINALLY! I stuck it out and was successful and learned a ton and made many new friends.  Tomorrow is my last day!  Only ten more hours to go!  I am SO excited!  I’m also a bit terrified… Additionally, I’m a bit sad.  I will miss a lot of my old coworkers.  Many of them were nice and it was really the people there that allowed me to stay with the job as long as I did.  I’m relieved this chapter is over though and I’m so glad it’s had a happy end!  June was a great month for me!  I got engaged!  I moved out of the ghetto and into a wonderful apartment!  I had a job interview and was offered a new job!  I am now an Admissions Person with A Private Online University!  That sounds SO MUCH better then Warehouse Person!  My degree is finally worth it!  I’m almost literally making twice what I did at the warehouse job.  My new job starts on 7/25.  Despite all the drama, despite all the shenanigans – I MADE IT!

I really am amazing!  I am so proud of myself for continuing to try and for not settling or giving up.  I’m proud that I’ve maintained my integrity and my friendliness and my smile.  I still see the world as a magical place and things are finally going according to my plans!  All we need now is for Fiance to also get a great job and to get a dog!  And maybe a house!  I don’t know about the house yet though.  I’m excited for the future but I’m also excited for the present!  I can finally look around and be content, at least for a while.  I think this new job will teach me many new skills and I think it will be a place where I can grow!  I can’t believe my Inventory career is over!  It’s so overwhelming!  I hope I don’t cry tomorrow.  I’d wanted to make some people cards… but I didn’t… Everything will be okay.  I just need to keep on smiling and everything will be okay.

(Author’s Note: LoL Irony!  End of inventory indeed…  Also notice my excitement about this job? Yeah, turns out I wasn’t helping anyone go to school.  Nope.  I was a phone salesperson who had to call upwards of 300 people a day and try to get them to apply to get into an online degree program.  They didn’t need school? Nonsense, I just wasn’t able to “overcome their objections.”  What I learned from that job was that there is no way to actually be removed from a call list.  Instead those people are trained to just set a call date for a few months down the road so someone else can have a shot at convincing you.  I only lasted at this job for 6 months.  It was a million times worse then Inventory but at least the money was great!  I had planned on working there to pay for the wedding but they were doing layoffs and I was offered a buy out or a chance to keep an awful job I hated.  I TOOK THE BUY OUT! ALL RIGHT!  I then had a couple months off work to be unemployed.  I used some of the spin selling techniques I learned at this job to spin being unemployed to, “I took a few months off work to plan my wedding.” BAM! And realistically… it totally worked!  I got another job the second week in May (lol a combo Inventory/Office Worker job) and on the first we had an incredible wedding that was well planned and way more affordable then it could have been because I found all the best deals in my spare time. But that’s a story for another entry.)


Reality is Fluid

Today was a more realistic day.  I learned that the job is not perfect.  Duh.  That’s okay, because nothing is perfect, especially nothing that’s worth anything.   Bright-side: I scored some sweet loot today!  Complete with the following logos I scored: a backpack, a flashlight (with extra battery), a box cutter (that’s yellow!), chap-stick, a lanyard key chain, a pen, a market (thick black sharpie!), and a small notebook (red; the best color!).  It made today bearable.  CoWorker confirmed that I wasn’t tricked into a lesser position then I interviewed for.  The tough morning I had brought that doubt to the surface of my mind and I couldn’t shake it.  CoWorker noticed and I was desperate for information, so I chanced talking to him.

(Author’s Note:  Turns out, THEY DID LIE to me during the interview!  They made the job seem like this interesting scavenger hunt like, computer intensive, INTERESTING opportunity.  Instead the job was mainly bin stocking, with occasional computer work.  I hate how naive I was.  I stayed with that job for almost two years waiting for another opportunity to open but because I worked in the warehouse I was never truly considered for another position because HR couldn’t reconcile English degree with warehouse worker.  Also, my boss was one of those jealous-female-types that is so cliche and disappointing to a woman entering the workplace (more on that later though).  By the end of my time with this company I did get to use my degree in this position.  I wrote all the process guidelines, training materials, and other documents for my department. 

This job really taught me a new perspective because until this period of my life, I had mostly been surrounded by people with aspirations of college or college degrees.  This warehouse job was the first time I had been around people who didn’t value education and who, for the most part, cared more about sports then they did about current events.  That is certainly not true of everyone I worked with there but it was a large part of my frustrations with my coworkers.  I saw so many people with so much potential and they were content to just stay where they were and it was mind boggling!  It was also mind boggling to come face to face with the indifference of the corporate world and to learn how little one little Inventory worker’s opinion mattered.  I was a recent graduate, all shiny eyed and full of optimisim, and I had a plan.  I hardly knew what to make of this new world outside of the college bubble I’d been living in for four years.)

Today was BORING! B.O.R.I.N.G.:

B- Banging my head against the wall to stay awake

O- Oh. My. God. Is this really what this job is going to be?

R- Really?  Did you just tell me bin stocking is interesting. REALLY? YOU’RE SERIOUS?!?!?

I- I almost literally can’t believe I moved cities, two hours from my beautiful apartment and wonderful boyfriend into a small garage with a goat who has the bigger garage for this opportunity.

N- Numb.  This job is mind numbing.  Is it soul crushing too?

G-  Going crazy.  How have people had this job for YEARS?

I actually helped someone (whose worked here longer then me!) find something today!  I am proud to be working and it feels good to have accomplished so much today despite my hurting feet.  I’ve been stretching before and after work to try and help ease my sore muscles.  I hope the stretching helps more in the days to come.  I hope the job gets more interesting once I’m out of training.  I hope I’m overreacting and it won’t really be this bad.  People don’t just lie in interviews to potential employees…

The journey continues… let’s find/see where it leads!

It’s Tired in Here!

It’s tired in here!  Early nights and even earlier mornings is my new routine.

Today Roommate told me she thought faeries had moved into my bedroom with me!  (One of my two fans squeaks incessantly apparently and I leave it on all the time since I sleep in the extra garage and we live in the desert.)  Roommate thought she heard faerie pipes and music throughout the day.  She came in multiple times to check if I had left my radio or television on but couldn’t figure out what was making the noise.  When I came home she told me and I searched out the noise and discovered the perpetrator: the fan!

Perhaps she is right.  Maybe I did bring faeries with me.  I am, after all sure that of course I brought magic with me!  My new chapter has begun and it’s quite exciting.  I really enjoy my new job even though it’s only been the second day!  Everyone is still so nice and friendly.  The job will be a challenge and I’ll definitely run my butt off.  Yay (it’s about time! LoL).  I solved two problems today.  I work for a company I can be proud of and passionate about!  WOW!  How many people can say that about their first job after graduating from college?  It is by no means my dream job… after all I am now the proud owner of a Bachelor of Arts in English and my first post-college job is as an Inventory Associate.  It could be worse.  They say on average it takes 3 jobs after graduation until you have a job related to your field.  I can make that happen and I believe this company has room for growth potential.  This job just got my foot in the door and I work hard.  Also English is a very useful degree because we use English every day!  I focused in Technical Writing so that definitely helps with the usefulness.  I have a plan and even if other people are skeptical I believe in myself (even if sometimes I forget).