What a great day! Today was filled with a multitude of tasks that I could cross of f my list and complete. It got me out of the awful area of the warehouse and gave me some variety. It felt good to get so much done. Also, my routine of greeting people has begun paying off. There were plenty of smiles to go around today! Again, one of the ladies complimented me on my great smile and an older guy from another department called me beautiful! That was flattering and rather strange… Today I answered my first radio call! The warehouse guys have begun teasing me; they’ll walk by and say “Faerie copy Faerie” like I’m being radioed. So far I have not fallen for it but it’s pretty funny anyways. (Author’s Note: As I retyped this entry I didn’t find that funny… I guess you had to have been there! … */facepalm* ) I sliced my finger on a plastic container and had to get a band aide and that was also interesting. For lunch, the catering lady actually saved me some chicken tortellini! It was SUPER DELICIOUS! My feet still hurt intensely, but if my days are like today, then I think everything is going to be great with this job. I realized that having a walking talking (aka radio aka runny screamy (because people run around screaming into them)) hanging from my pocket pulls my pants down just a bit. It is SUPER annoying because now I’m constantly tugging at my clothes! Without the radio my clothes work alright. Today I also realized that I’m the youngest person on my team! J is 29 and he is the closest person to my age. Oh! I forgot about G. I will ask tomorrow to find out how old he is. Sometimes I feel really young! This is none of their first jobs. My speed at pulling and stocking is definitely improving. I don’t know how my mistakes record has been but I’m going for zero mistakes!
(Author’s Note: This paragraph jumps around a lot. I thought about changing it so it was more logical but leaving it this way really conveys what a streaming consciousness my journal was. I wrote these entries after working 10-12 hour shifts where I stood and ran around the whole time moving heavy cases. I had a 45 minute commute in the morning and an hour commute with rush hour traffic on my way home. When I got home I had to spend an hour feeding my Roommate’s pets. That was our arrangement: She was a flight attendant and was only home a few days of each month. I stayed in her house for the first three months of my employment in BigCity and my rent was to feed the animals consisting of 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 pygmy goat and take care of the house. The cat was an inside cat. The small dog was an inside/outside dog who sometimes stayed with Roommate’s best friend for weeks at a time. The big dog who was ancient was an outside dog and shared a fenced area with a grassy area, a kiddy pool, and a play house, that also included part of the large three car garage. Each animal had an extremely particular diet that I had to adhere to that took about an hour to feed all of them. (Ask me some other time about it and I might tell you.) Roommate parked in that garage when she was home. I slept in the small garage attached to the other side of the house. Also I am terribly allergic to cats and nature. You can start to see why I stopped writing about the details of my living situation as more details emerge. It was not a great situation but I was determined to succeed with this job to prove that I could be successful. I had a plan and was stubborn enough to live in a garage for five and a half months to try and make it work.)
On a radically different note: My cousin is going off to boarding school!!!! He leaves in two weeks! YAY! There is hope for him yet! There is hope for my grandparents! YAY! I’m going to try and see him before he leaves so he knows we all support this decision and to try and help him see it as the positive opportunity it is. I’m so glad this is happening! (Author’s Note: I have a troubled cousin. He’s one of those kids that you hope will turn out to be a succuess story about how they overcame their troubled childhood to become an upstanding member of society. Instead he keeps making poor choices and things are looking bleak for his future. This boarding school was a chance for him to turn things around, get away from so many negative influences and away from the bad habits. It was such a big change and the family pinned so many hopes to his being successful there…. Turns out he made worse choices at the school, ended up getting kicked out and as soon as he turned 18 was arrested and tried as an adult for the crimes he committed there. He is now in jail, rightfully rotting away. The thing I comfort myself with is this thought: as much as he adored the Harry Potter series he will not get to know how it ends. He won’t get to watch the movie or read the books. He burned so many bridges that no one will send him anything and he has no way of getting it. It seems like a petty, small thing but I literally cannot handle thinking about real things that go on in jail so I focus on this small, petty punishment and what a big, awful thing it will seem to him and I feel like good about that punishment. I hope to never hear from him, speak to him, or know anything about him ever again. Some people can be rehabilitated but some people are just evil. I believe this cousin is an evil person and I refuse to allow that influence in my life. This paragraph is the most I’ve talked or thought about him in years. When I’m done writing it I will go back to happily pretending he does not exist. If you have someone like this in your life, you are not doing yourself any favors by allowing them to bring such darkness to your days. Sometimes you have to burn the bridge to keep the crazies from following you across.)
On another different note: I haven’t talked with or heard from Boyfriend at all today. He seriously sucks at the long distance thing. I’m lonely and my feelings are hurt. I feel like I’m the only one who initiates contact. He is also always busy hanging out with the drama bomb group. It’s all so strange that I don’t know what to think anymore. I didn’t talk to him much yesterday either but my positive thoughts kept me feeling alright. We do GREAT when we’re together but things seem to fall apart when we’re apart… I just miss him so much and I get so sad. Cliche, as it may be, when he’s around things are brighter and even my sadness is not so sad as it is when he’s around. I’m going to be now because it’s 9pm now and officiate Late and I’m SO tired! (Author’s Note: He ended up calling right after I wrote this. We got better at the long distance relationship thing as we practiced more. The biggest help was figuring out our schedules and making set plans for talking that worked for both our schedules. I worked from 5 or 6 in the morning to 4 or 5 in the evening. He worked in retail with a rotating schedule that could be morning, afternoon, or closing shifts that may not have ended until 9:30. Sometimes he even had to work late night shifts and our schedules may be exactly opposite. We overcame that and a lot of the frustration by communicating our expectations, schedules, and affection. It’s easy to feel lonely across long distances but if you speak each other’s love language it makes the time you do have together that much more special.)
Goodnight and sweet dreams! (Author’s Note: I always want someone to tell me to have sweet dreams before I go to sleep because I feel like it helps me actually have sweet dreams, instead of nightmares or not being able to sleep. If there wasn’t someone to tell me, I often wrote it to myself in my journal as a closing thought. I even would tell all the pets at Roommate’s house to have sweet dreams. Good karma and all that. 🙂 )