Tell That Funny Story About Your Life

Someday, I will look back on all this and be amused.  That day is not today.  Now, living it all, I find myself raging at the circumstances beyond my control.  I find myself feeling trapped and without viable options.  I find myself scared and sick and full of rage.

“Faerie, tell that funny story about your life!” Says AG at dinner.  We are at three tables crowded together in the center of Applebee’s on a Saturday evening after work.  There are twelve of us coworkers there.

“Oh, you mean about how I pay to live with a 62 year old grandma?  Or how about how I sleep in a garage?”

“You sleep in the garage?!” exclaims DS.

“Yes, I pay to sleep in the garage.” I calmly reply.  My right eye begins to twitch.

“Oh my god!  That is not humane!  This is BigCity!  What are you going to do in the summer?” Asks DS.

“Shit, what are you going to do in two weeks when it starts getting hot?” KM retorts.

“Well I already bought a heater.  Yes, a heater, in BigCity.  It gets better though.  Want to know the best part?  She has a goat.”

“A What?” Someone questions.

“Did you say goat?”

“Yes and the best part.  I pay to live with a 62 year old grandma, I sleep in the garage, I live with a goat, and the goat gets the bigger garage.” I say.

“No shit?” Everyone is laughing.

“Oh no, it shits a lot.  Roommate and I had to have a talk about how her goat shits a lot and even though I do, in fact, sweep goat shit every night when I feed the animals, the goat still shits all night and the next ten hours of the day while I’m at work.  She may not think I sweep it up but I do.”  The whole table is laughing while I respond to their incredulous questions.  Their laughter punctuates the “funny story about my life.”

“Oh my god.   And you pay for this? How much do you pay?”

“You should move out!”

“We need to work on an exit strategy for you.”

“I find myself still asking if its worth it.  Is there still value in living there?  Despite the shenanigans and craziness it is quite cheap and I don’t know if I can afford to live anywhere else.”  I am raging about my life to twelve people I work with and they are all laughing hysterically.  I didn’t expect my rage to be amusing but I’m glad my situation is good for something other than rage.  I’ve known that sometimes people find me funny, but I didn’t expect my sincere feelings about the state of my life to bring so much mirth to others.  I guess that when you look at how other people are living it is easier to look at your own life and say, well at least I don’t live in a garage.  At least I don’t live with a goat.  At least the goat doesn’t live in the bigger garage.  “Someday,” I say confidently to the crowd, “this will make a very funny story.”

“That day is today.  Faerie, that day is today” laughs KM.  The rest of the table laughs along and I cannot help but to laugh along with them because it could always be worse.  I could have to share the garage with the goat…

 

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WTF Tornado Warning in the Desert?

Last night there was a four hour Tornado Warning on top of the dust storm, thunder storm, and flood warnings.  We live in the desert.  Tornadoes are deal breakers.  We live in a place that doesn’t have things like hurricanes, tornadoes, or earthquakes because those things are deal breakers.  Know why I don’t live in Florida… because there’s hurricanes in Florida! So this weather was completely out of the ordinary.  The weather has been crazy the past few days with almost nonstop rain.  HomeTown got over five feet of snow!  I stated at Roommate’s house in BigCity because I couldn’t afford to leave and the weather made it unsafe to travel.

Last night I cleaned up after the goat and bigdog multiple times.  I checked on them a lot and gave them cookies and sweet hay.  In return, the stupid goat ATE part of the WALL.  Not like pieces off the door frame, or a corner… No, the flat normal part of the wall has goat teeth marks around a freaking HOLE it chewed in it!  There was pee and poop everywhere in their area of the garage AND outside and  because of flooding all the goat poop not mashed into the concrete ended up in the rocks where I can’t sweep it up.  I found this out when Roommate came in and yelled at me about it.  Roommate was understandably upset to come home and find such a huge gross mess.  Of course she did come home before 8am and I hadn’t been outside yet considering it was my day off and I slept in until 7:30 after being up so late because of the TORNADO WARNING.  She cleaned up for 45 minutes without coming inside so I didn’t even know she was home.  Then she came in and yelled at me!  Welcome home Roommate… it totally sucks because at 10:30 last night they were fine.  The wall was whole, there was no pee or poop anywhere.  I gave them their end of the night treats and turned on a radio for them to help drown out the storm noise outside.  None of that mattered because Roommate came home and thought (and probably still thinks) that I don’t take care of her animals while she’s gone.  If it was true then her disappointment and anger would be easier to deal with.  STUPID WALL EATING GOAT!  Who even owns a goat when they don’t live on a farm anyway?!?  Her house is in the middle of a suburb of BigCity. WTF?! Oh, yeah… following a trail of pee, Roommate also found a dead mouse.  Great.  Now there are mice in this zoo.

Now that the weather has calmed down I’m going to go get ready to go out with work friends for Mongolian BBQ!  It should be interesting and fun.  I still feel ready to cry.  I hate those stupid animals and Roommate.  I take such great care of them and the house and after a literal freak of nature suddenly I seem like a bad person.  By the way, she didn’t even ask if I was ok.  I wasn’t, by the way.  I was alone in a huge house with the air conditioning running because I’m not aloud to touch it to change the temperature even though I’m the only one actually residing in the house while there is pouring rain and crazy wind.  I slept in the bathtub because I saw something on TV once about someone surviving a tornado because they were in the bathtub.  When I went out to my garage I discovered the 1/4″ gap between the ground and the garage door had flooded into my area and soaked the floor rug I’d put down. This is awful. I hate living here.  I feel so crazy…

The Best Day of Inventory Work So Far

What a great day!  Today was filled with a multitude of tasks that I could cross of f my list and complete.  It got me out of the awful area of the warehouse and gave me some variety.  It felt good to get so much done.  Also, my routine of greeting people has begun paying off.  There were plenty of smiles to go around today!  Again, one of the ladies complimented me on my great smile and an older guy from another department called me beautiful!  That was flattering and rather strange…  Today I answered my first radio call!  The warehouse guys have begun teasing me; they’ll walk by and say “Faerie copy Faerie” like I’m being radioed.  So far I have not fallen for it but it’s pretty funny anyways. (Author’s Note: As I retyped this entry I didn’t find that funny… I guess you had to have been there! … */facepalm* )  I sliced my finger on a plastic container and had to get a band aide and that was also interesting.  For lunch, the catering lady actually saved me some chicken tortellini!  It was SUPER DELICIOUS!  My feet still hurt intensely, but if my days are like today, then I think everything is going to be great with this job. I realized that having a walking talking (aka radio aka runny screamy (because people run around screaming into them)) hanging from my pocket pulls my pants down just a bit.  It is SUPER annoying because now I’m constantly tugging at my clothes!  Without the radio my clothes work alright.  Today I also realized that I’m the youngest person on my team!  J is 29 and he is the closest person to my age.  Oh!  I forgot about G.  I will ask tomorrow to find out how old he is.  Sometimes I feel really young!  This is none of their first jobs.  My speed at pulling and stocking is definitely improving.  I don’t know how my mistakes record has been but I’m going for zero mistakes!

(Author’s Note:  This paragraph jumps around a lot.  I thought about changing it so it was more logical but leaving it this way really conveys what a streaming consciousness my journal was.  I wrote these entries after working 10-12 hour shifts where I stood and ran around the whole time moving heavy cases.  I had a 45 minute commute in the morning and an hour commute with rush hour traffic on my way home.  When I got home I had to spend an hour feeding my Roommate’s pets.  That was our arrangement:  She was a flight attendant and was only home a few days of each month.  I stayed in her house for the first three months of my employment in BigCity and my rent was to feed the animals consisting of 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 pygmy goat and take care of the house.  The cat was an inside cat.  The small dog was an inside/outside dog who sometimes stayed with Roommate’s best friend for weeks at a time.  The big dog who was ancient was an outside dog and shared a fenced area with a grassy area, a kiddy pool, and a play house, that also included part of the large three car garage.  Each animal had an extremely particular diet that I had to adhere to that took about an hour to feed all of them.  (Ask me some other time about it and I might tell you.)  Roommate parked in that garage when she was home.  I slept in the small garage attached to the other side of the house.  Also I am terribly allergic to cats and nature.  You can start to see why I stopped writing about the details of my living situation as more details emerge.  It was not a great situation but I was determined to succeed with this job to prove that I could be successful.  I had a plan and was stubborn enough to live in a garage for five and a half months to try and make it work.)

On a radically different note: My cousin is going off to boarding school!!!!  He leaves in two weeks!  YAY!  There is hope for him yet!  There is hope for my grandparents!  YAY!  I’m going to try and see him before he leaves so he knows we all support this decision and to try and help him see it as the positive opportunity it is.  I’m so glad this is happening!   (Author’s Note:  I have a troubled cousin.  He’s one of those kids that you hope will turn out to be a succuess story about how they overcame their troubled childhood to become an upstanding member of society.  Instead he keeps making poor choices and things are looking bleak for his future.  This boarding school was a chance for him to turn things around, get away from so many negative influences and away from the bad habits.  It was such a big change and the family pinned so many hopes to his being successful there…. Turns out he made worse choices at the school, ended up getting kicked out and as soon as he turned 18 was arrested and tried as an adult for the crimes he committed there.  He is now in jail, rightfully rotting away.  The thing I comfort myself with is this thought:  as much as he adored the Harry Potter series he will not get to know how it ends.  He won’t get to watch the movie or read the books.  He burned so many bridges that no one will send him anything and he has no way of getting it.  It seems like a petty, small thing but I literally cannot handle thinking about real things that go on in jail so I focus on this small, petty punishment and what a big, awful thing it will seem to him and I feel like good about that punishment.  I hope to never hear from him, speak to him, or know anything about him ever again.  Some people can be rehabilitated but some people are just evil.  I believe this cousin is an evil person and I refuse to allow that influence in my life.  This paragraph is the most I’ve talked or thought about him in years.  When I’m done writing it I will go back to happily pretending he does not exist.  If you have someone like this in your life, you are not doing yourself any favors by allowing them to bring such darkness to your days.  Sometimes you have to burn the bridge to keep the crazies from following you across.)

On another different note: I haven’t talked with or heard from Boyfriend at all today.  He seriously sucks at the long distance thing.  I’m lonely and my feelings are hurt.  I feel like I’m the only one who initiates contact.  He is also always busy hanging out with the drama bomb group.  It’s all so strange that I don’t know what to think anymore.  I didn’t talk to him much yesterday either but my positive thoughts kept me feeling alright.  We do GREAT when we’re together but things seem to fall apart when we’re apart… I just miss him so much and I get so sad.  Cliche, as it may be, when he’s around things are brighter and even my sadness is not so sad as it is when he’s around.  I’m going to be now because it’s 9pm now and officiate Late and I’m SO tired! (Author’s Note:  He ended up calling right after I wrote this.  We got better at the long distance relationship thing as we practiced more.  The biggest help was figuring out our schedules and making set plans for talking that worked for both our schedules.  I worked from 5 or 6 in the morning to 4 or 5 in the evening.  He worked in retail with a rotating schedule that could be morning, afternoon, or closing shifts that may not have ended until 9:30.  Sometimes he even had to work late night shifts and our schedules may be exactly opposite.  We overcame that and a lot of the frustration by communicating our expectations, schedules, and affection.  It’s easy to feel lonely across long distances but if you speak each other’s love language it makes the time you do have together that much more special.)

Goodnight and sweet dreams! (Author’s Note:  I always want someone to tell me to have sweet dreams before I go to sleep because I feel like it helps me actually have sweet dreams, instead of nightmares or not being able to sleep.  If there wasn’t someone to tell me, I often wrote it to myself in my journal as a closing thought.  I even would tell all the pets at Roommate’s house to have sweet dreams.  Good karma and all that. 🙂 )