Exit Maid of Honor

Today was a hugely intense day!

Today we FINALLY received our first proofs for the wedding invitations!  They were not quite right so we made some changes and hopefully will be able to send them out into the world by the 15th!

Today I also kicked my Best Friend (BF), my maid of honor, out of the wedding!  She has been a terrible friend in the last year.  Ever since she got a boyfriend.  Her first boyfriend ever, in fact.  Her secret boyfriend she couldn’t tell me about because he was married. Also ever since that fight we had about illegal immigration she hasn’t been the same.  Basically, she’s stopped talking to me since I’ve been engaged and that was almost a year ago.  We’ve talked -maybe- once a month.  We used to have standing Tuesday phone dates since we live across the country from each other and we would also text throughout the week.  I literally have not heard from her since January when I asked her to buy the specific bridesmaids dress my Maid of Awesome and I picked out.  All of my wedding planning books say to make sure the bridesmaids dresses have been purchaed by 3 months to the big day.

I’ve been more and more anxious and stressed about stupid BF and her dumb dress and breaking our friendship then I have been stressed by my mom or future mother in law!  I finally realized that I literally cannot deal with this much stress.  Not physically, mentally, or emotionally.  So I called her, texted her, and Facebooked her.  NO ANSWER!  I left messages with each form of communication that I tried asking if she had bought her dress yet. So since the last form of communication I had from her was a text message, I tested her again today asking her if she got my messages, and also her dress.

She FINALLY responded via text by saying, “No.  I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that.  I’m at the doctor’s office now but will try to call you later.”

It made me incredibly angry all over again. Now she’s seeing a doctor and didn’t even tell me she was sick?  Now I even feel guilty because OMG my BF is sick.  Then I remembered that I’ve been reaching out a few times a week since JANUARY so it’s not like she’s been too sick to respond even once.  Not. even. once. We have been friends since we were freshmen in high school.  We have been friends for 10 years.  We made a high school promise to be there for each other on our wedding days and I honored that promise and asked her to be my maid of honor.  She was so excited in that initial conversation and then everything just fell further and further apart.

She doesn’t want to be in my wedding and it doesn’t feel like she even wants to be my friend either.  So I gave it until after 5pm and called her again.  STILL NO ANSWER!

So I texted her, “Hi.  I know you are incredibly busy and have  a lot going on.  Maybe it was unfair of me to put so much pressure on you about the wedding.  Don’t worry about getting a dress.  I hope you can still come as a guest.  We;re still friends and I know if you could do it, you would.”

She called me two hours later and we talked for the first time in months.  She said she really can’t afford the dress and I said I knew and that it was ok and that I hoped she could still come to the wedding anyway as a guest. (It wasn’t ok and she could afford it.  She makes more then I did an hour at my last job and I made bank!  Also, I had already offered to pay for the dress five months ago and again three months ago, so that was a bullsh!t excuse!)  We talked for an hour and a half.  It was actually nice because I miss her!  I miss our friendship!I hope we will still be able to be friends and that she’ll stop being so selfish!

Also, exciting job prospect in the wings!  But I’m tired and going to sleep for the moment!  I think I may actually sleep tonight because as awful as this day was… at least now I know.  At least a decision has been made so I can move forward without something that should be so positive instead weighing me down all the time.


The Second Act

First day of my second week of work!  It’s rather surreal… I couldn’t sleep last night for many reasons, the main one being the speculation on whether I really have a job or not.  I worked 3 1/2 days, with a 1/2 day of orientation added for introduction to the company, last week.  Then, I had four days off.  It didn’t feel quite real… I guess it still seems too good to be true.  Today at work someone said “Hi” to me!!!!!  She initiated contact like I was a real person and not some placeholder between empty shelf and full shelf!  I was excited because I’d been in the zone, focusing on my tasks.  To be jogged out of concentration by a friendly greeting was a pleasant highlight of my day!  It was especially amazing because it was the very first time someone said hi to me first.  Like I didn’t say hi and she responded, SHE said hi to ME and I responded!!!

(Author’s Note:  This girl who said hi to me ended up becoming one of my closest friends and we still hang out all the time!!!)

I also officially met some lady I see all the time at lunch. We seem to have breaks at the same time so that was cool too!

Here is a strange phenomenon… I introduced myself to someone and he says, “Oh Faerie! I’ll remember that name because I live near Faerie Loop.”  (Author’s Note: Faerie is not my real name.  He was talking about my real name but in this blog I’m calling myself Faerie Reader instead of Realfirstname Reallastname. Just thought I’d clarify that no, my parents did not choose a cruel/crazy name for me like Hat, or Apple, or Faerie.) I introduced myself to another guy and he says, “I’ll remember you name because my dog’s name is Faerie!.”  I think this phenomenon is quite strange but two people have done it so it’s a phenomenon and not just a coincidence.

Today I trained in how to stock another area of the warehouse.  It doesn’t seem difficult or hard, rather there’s so much to do that it becomes a challenge.  I didn’t enjoy it because instead of being able to move from task to task, it just felt like I was diligently working but it didn’t matter because the numbers kept getting so high.  For example, I finally got the number of items I was supposed to be stocking down to 9! Yay!  Then I hit the refresh button and it turned out that I really had 60 lines!  It was extremely frustrating!  Also frustrating…my supervisor pulled me aside to talk about scheduling issues.  Basically I now work Tuesday – Friday.  I was going to work Sun-Wed but then a shift change happened.  Instead, I am going to be stuck with a crap schedule of Sat-Tues!  Yuck!

Bright-side: At least I’ll get more money…?  Lame!  My mom keeps reminding me (in addition to my optimism) that this is just a training job and/or “they’re” just testing me.  I’m beginning to wonder if that’s true.  So many people I work with have worked their SAME basic job here for YEARS.  I don’t think I could do it.  There doesn’t seem to be enough challenge for me to really stay.  I’m not even sure I like the job itself.

(Author’s Note: Turns out… I stayed for almost two years and I had the exact. same. job. that I started with and I worked that crap Sat-Tues schedule for the entire time.  I was never approved to change schedules because my boss had Sat-Mon off and didn’t want to work with me because she liked being the only female on the team while she was there. TOTALLY LAME but its amazing what you can grow accustomed to!)

Perhaps it’s just my loneliness talking.  When I get down my world seems to gray so maybe that’s why, or at least part of why, I’m so unsure about this position.  I’m trying to shine and stay positive.  If it all is a test… I hope it ends soon either way.  Although I don’t know what I’d do if this doesn’t work out.  Do I even want it to work out?  I think so.  I think I badly want it to work out because at least this is something.  Something I can be proud of…?  Maybe. But maybe because I can’t fully tell anyone what I do.  At least I get paid and get benefits and three day weekends.  (Boyfriend still hasn’t called and I don’t think he will.  We really don’t seem to have gotten any better at this whole long distance thing.  I’m tired and ready for bed so I can’t stay awake anymore, even if he hasn’t called. )

Dreaming of faerie music, sunshine, and bright tomorrows…