Do I write to remember? If I write, I will remember. Do I want to?
Work has been a struggle. The monotonous reality of bin stocking firmly settled into a draining pallor that clings to my life.
I have a job. I make $10 an hour. It is brain rotting, soul crushing, and boring. I tell myself many things to make it through the 40 hours a week I am required to be at work. It seriously sucks ass and I officially HATE it! I haven’t been writing because I had such high hopes and instead I was, in fact, duped.
(Author’s Note: Finally I realized the truth. It took me two months to admit it to myself but even longer before I could admit it to anyone else. The worst part was about two weeks after staring the Inventory job I received a job offer from a big retail chain in CollegeTown and I turned it down because I still believed this job would be like they said in the interview once I was “out of training.” It wasn’t and I was no longer in training. Wondering about how my life would be different if I had accepted that job and left the garage is one of those pivotal decisions I occasionally wonder about. Just how different would my life be right now if I had made a different decision at that particular junction?)
Unfortunately, I am grateful to have even this crappy job. I’m positively affecting the universe in a very direct way…right? The best part of my job…? The days off- Thanksgiving, Christmas, AND New Years! (All AMAZING by the way! Nice Thanksgiving with the family south of CollegeTown with Aunt. Dinner itself was a great happy memory. I’ve chosen to forget BoardingSchoolCousin’s bull on his way to boarding school. Christmas was also great, if too short. I was Roommate’s Hero of Christmas because I found Zhu Zhu pets!!! I found $300 worth for her grand kids! She was too busy to track them down because of her busy flight schedule but I had extra time and found and bought them for her! I even wrapped them because I’m a spazz and love wrapping presents. She said I was the hero of Christmas! I was happy to help! I facilitated my parents gifts to each other with help from Boyfriend: colored XBox controllers! They were a huge success and surprise. I spent all the money I had plus $350 for Roommate on credit (that thankfully she just paid me back this morning), to try and facilitate a happy Christmas for as many people as possible. I feel successful and happy! This is the first time I haven’t been a student during Christmas and I have a full time job so I could afford to buy gifts for people!
My Mom and I got to go on one of our special shopping trips and we had a great time finding specials and thoughtful and unique gifts at Old World Imports! It was a great gift and the Babies (dogs) had lots of fun too! One of my favorite parts of Christmas was actually the week before. Boyfriend came up and my Dad, Boyfriend, and I all made Christmas cookies. We made them all- all the delicious recipes from my childhood that have been passed down since my Dad’s family moved to America from Germany! It was amazing and my parents and Boyfriend got along so well. It makes my heart sing with joy to remember… I didn’t have to miss anyone because my family was all in one place!
There was a negative incident with the car (’98 Chevy Blaizir with 4WD) on the way to HomeTown though… deadly storms across the state and I drove home anyway. It was stupid to do. I was foolishly overconfident and so lucky. I skidded off the road 100ft into the snow and went backwards up a hill off the left side of the highway from where I had been driving in the right lane. The tire blew out and it caused me to lose control of the car and the other tire went flat when I went off the road. I was terrified but uninjured. The car worked ok. I was lucky not to roll the car or hit someone else… I was luck the idle arm connecting that tire had been fixed. I’m lucky I didn’t go off the right side of the road which was a drop off point. I managed to get the car back on the road and drove 20 miles up the mountain and through town towards my parents house. About two miles from my house the car just felt like it was driving wrong and the tires sounded really bad and I pulled into the parking lot of my old elementary school and called my dad to rescue me. I got out and saw the damage to the tires and freaked out even more because I hadn’t realized just how bad they were and I’d been driving for so long on them. There was no where safe for me to pull off and stop before I got into town and by the time I got to town I was so close to being home I might as well have kept going, so I did. My dad came and met me at the school and changed one of the tires to the spare and added air to the other and I drove it the last few miles hole while he followed me with his hazard lights on. The next day we took it into one of those tire places to get repared. My Dad is so great at bargaining! We got two tires for $67!!! Yay lifetime warranty! They initially were only going to pay to replace the tire that blew out. Then my Dad pointed out that the other tire blew out as a result of going off the road from the blown out tire and they relented and fixed them both! Boyfriend is buying me the front two tires as a New Year’s present and because he’s awesome! Now all the tires will be good!
New Year’s was pretty fun. It was the first time ever that I was not designated driver or with my family. I got roaring drunk on five whole mixed drinks! Boyfriend and his Twin and I all went downtown to a new bar in CollegeTown. I told Boyfriend that we are moving forward in life and I don’t want to bring in the New Year with old “friends” aka people who treat me like crap. He agreed wholeheartedly and so we celebrated with just us and his Twin, who is awesome! We get along because we are both fiercely protective of Boyfriend. (I’ve decided life is hard enough without surrounding yourself with jerks and people who don’t believe in you and who always try to bring you down.) The bar was lots of fun and I know this is going to be our year! I’m ready! I’m ready for the great job, the great place with Boyfriend in BigCity. I’m finally ready to be engaged. I’m ready to be happy. My New Year’s resolution: Be Happy. That is my goal!