Far Too Tired to Fall Asleep

Eventful days have passed since my last entry.  I saw an allergist here in BigCity.  She gave me nasal wash bottle and instructions to wash 2x a day.  It has helped more then I’d expected but is still pretty gross and really unpleasant.  It definitely makes me feel like a snot beast!  She also took me off one of my daily allergy medications (Singulair).  Apparently one of its major side effects is anxiety.  THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO KNOW EARLIER.  Like I told the doctor, I just thought I was anxious because my life is in chaos.  Apparently not.  So it’s really good to be addressing that situation.  The downside – of course – is that I got sick.  I don’t have bronchitis, yet, which is the bright side.  I managed to get a wretched sinus infection and got steroids and antibiotics (for 10 days).  I was so sick I even missed two days of work!  I’m feeling much better now though (despite sleeping in a garage with the same climate and allergens as the outside since, you know, it’s open to the outside with that stupid gap between the door and the ground that still isn’t fixed.) 

Also, Boyfriend came to visit! YAY!  He came on Tuesday and left Wednesday but it was still amazing!  He met CY (girl who first said hi to me, invited me to Starbucks with her and her friends, and now good work friend), and a couple other friends I’ve made through work.  We all went to a Brewery and it was lots of fun.  Everyone got along really well and I feel better now that Boyfriend’s met everyone!  None of my guy friends came though, which was strange.  It’s ok though because he met the most important people, and of course, so did they!  I have this habit of talking about people like whoever I’m talking to knows the person I’m talking about. Boyfriend even got me early Valentine’s Day flowers so I’d have them for the day!  Yay!  They are quite beautiful and I’m sure they smell wonderful!  ( I don’t actually know how they smell because I can’t breathe though my nose due to the whole being really sick thing I’m dealing with.) 

Today I helped Roommate’s best friend (the one who watches the littledog sometimes) prepare some appetizers for a party she’s having for her other friend.  I volunteered to help and she almost cried from relief.  It was quite fun to help and I learned a cool new party food!  It’s called “Pineapple Porcupine!”  It is 1/2 maraschino cherry, Swiss cheese cubes, pineapple cubes, and cheddar cheese cubes all on a skewer and stuck into  pleasing rounding lines on a pineapple. We alternated the ending food item on each skewer so we had on spiral from the top to the bottom that was red for the cherries, then a spiral line that was white for Swiss cheese, then one that ended with the yellow pineapple, then a spiral row that ended with the orange cheddar cheese.  We put one skewer on each little part of the pineapple.  It was interesting because I had never noticed that those little spiky parts on a pineapple actually do have a spiral pattern!  It was awesome!  The picture below was used from another blog and also used grapes and other fruit.  The blog was right and this piece made a great centerpiece for the food table and also was a tasty crowd pleaser.

pineapple porcupineThis picture was taken from the hydrOtion Natural Skin Care Blog.


It went really quickly and we were done with it and 48 deviled eggs by 12:30!  The dog wasn’t even as bad as I was afraid he’d be.  He only ate one plate of cheese and then proceeded to have the WORST gas I’ve ever had the unpleasant experience of smelling.  It was really annoying because I could smell THAT but not my wonderful FLOWERS. LAME!  Roommate’s best friend was really surprised and relieved at how quickly we finished the food.  I had lots of fun and feel great about helping.  She is retired and wants to do so much but its hard for her sometimes to get around.  Also her and Roommate are some of my “go-to” people in BigCity so it feels good to be able to help them in return.  

DARK AND SCARY PART OF POST (REALLY. THAT’S NOT SARCASM): The random and distinctly unsettling part of the day was overhearing a conversation she had on the phone.  I didn’t think much of it at the time but now I can’t sleep because I feel so much anxiety and I think it’s because of what I heard.  Basically, the gist is this: Roommate’s Best Friend has received at least 3 threatening letters.  She shredded the first one but now the post office, police, and FBI are involved.  Someone is threatening to kill her!  He says things like her days are numbered.  She claims not to be worried because she has guns everywhere (which she does because I found two in the kitchen today while I was helping) but she says she’ll for sure press charges against this guy.  I’m not worried about her because I’m sure she is quite capable of protecting herself.  Instead my imagination has run away because of the influences of so many fiction books.  If this guy serioously wants to hurt her but doesn’t want to go after her directly (which he doesn’t because he’s threatening her with letters) then it makes sense to go after the people closest to her.  Well the only person close to her is her bestfriend: my Roommate!  Basically Roommate is her closest/best/only real friend and they’re quite close. Wanting to hurt Roommate’s best friend coud cause someone devious to go after Roommate.  But Roommate is gone flying all the time- but I’m not! I live in her big, empty, scary, house alone most of the time.  I don’t have a gun.  It’s worrisome to think about.  I think I need to learn more about the situation and relax a ton.  Take it down a notch and all that.  It is now 4:24am and I still can’t turn off the lights or TV so I can go to bed.  WTF stupid anxiety?!?!?! ARRRGH! 

(Author’s Note: Turns out I wasn’t overreacting as much as I thought I was.  The guy was her daughter’s ex husband who had gotten out of jail in another state, found Roommate’s Best Friend and traveled to BigCity and was attempting to make contact with a gang so he could put a hit on her.  He was picked up by the police about two months after this entry and is back in jail as far as I know.  I have lost touch with both Roommate and her Best Friend in the last few years but last I heard they were all healthy, happy, and safe.  (Disclaimer:  If you or someone you know has received a threatening letter, take it seriously.  Save the letter and file a police report.  Lock your doors; get a security system, etc.)   Roommate was a crazy lady and when I talked with her about the situation and told her I didn’t feel safe since I didn’t have a key to the house and had to leave it hidden near the front door since she ran a side business out of one of the rooms and had strangers accessing her house while I was and was not there.  She said because of that business I couldn’t take the key and couldn’t use the security system.  She never did give me the code and when I took the key anyway or tried bringing it inside while I was there alone, people would show up and not be able to get in and call her and complain and then the next time I saw her she would scream at me.  Her suggestion for feeling safe:  a wine bottle on my nightstand.  She said I could hit someone with it if I needed to. I sincerely wish I was joking.  It really is amazing what you can grow accustomed to.)

Lighter note:  Oh yeah, on another note- today I got a haircut!I went to one of those little chains and for $19 including tip I washed my hair and cut 3 inches off.  It looks much the same as before, but shorter and healthier.  I think I like it.  I’m growing out my natural color.  That part, I love.  We will see how the hair really is over the next few days.  I hope it’s good because it feels really good.  Now I’m going to try and sleep again.  What a crazy, interesting day!  What a crazy, interesting life! Ciao!

WTF Tornado Warning in the Desert?

Last night there was a four hour Tornado Warning on top of the dust storm, thunder storm, and flood warnings.  We live in the desert.  Tornadoes are deal breakers.  We live in a place that doesn’t have things like hurricanes, tornadoes, or earthquakes because those things are deal breakers.  Know why I don’t live in Florida… because there’s hurricanes in Florida! So this weather was completely out of the ordinary.  The weather has been crazy the past few days with almost nonstop rain.  HomeTown got over five feet of snow!  I stated at Roommate’s house in BigCity because I couldn’t afford to leave and the weather made it unsafe to travel.

Last night I cleaned up after the goat and bigdog multiple times.  I checked on them a lot and gave them cookies and sweet hay.  In return, the stupid goat ATE part of the WALL.  Not like pieces off the door frame, or a corner… No, the flat normal part of the wall has goat teeth marks around a freaking HOLE it chewed in it!  There was pee and poop everywhere in their area of the garage AND outside and  because of flooding all the goat poop not mashed into the concrete ended up in the rocks where I can’t sweep it up.  I found this out when Roommate came in and yelled at me about it.  Roommate was understandably upset to come home and find such a huge gross mess.  Of course she did come home before 8am and I hadn’t been outside yet considering it was my day off and I slept in until 7:30 after being up so late because of the TORNADO WARNING.  She cleaned up for 45 minutes without coming inside so I didn’t even know she was home.  Then she came in and yelled at me!  Welcome home Roommate… it totally sucks because at 10:30 last night they were fine.  The wall was whole, there was no pee or poop anywhere.  I gave them their end of the night treats and turned on a radio for them to help drown out the storm noise outside.  None of that mattered because Roommate came home and thought (and probably still thinks) that I don’t take care of her animals while she’s gone.  If it was true then her disappointment and anger would be easier to deal with.  STUPID WALL EATING GOAT!  Who even owns a goat when they don’t live on a farm anyway?!?  Her house is in the middle of a suburb of BigCity. WTF?! Oh, yeah… following a trail of pee, Roommate also found a dead mouse.  Great.  Now there are mice in this zoo.

Now that the weather has calmed down I’m going to go get ready to go out with work friends for Mongolian BBQ!  It should be interesting and fun.  I still feel ready to cry.  I hate those stupid animals and Roommate.  I take such great care of them and the house and after a literal freak of nature suddenly I seem like a bad person.  By the way, she didn’t even ask if I was ok.  I wasn’t, by the way.  I was alone in a huge house with the air conditioning running because I’m not aloud to touch it to change the temperature even though I’m the only one actually residing in the house while there is pouring rain and crazy wind.  I slept in the bathtub because I saw something on TV once about someone surviving a tornado because they were in the bathtub.  When I went out to my garage I discovered the 1/4″ gap between the ground and the garage door had flooded into my area and soaked the floor rug I’d put down. This is awful. I hate living here.  I feel so crazy…

The Best Day of Inventory Work So Far

What a great day!  Today was filled with a multitude of tasks that I could cross of f my list and complete.  It got me out of the awful area of the warehouse and gave me some variety.  It felt good to get so much done.  Also, my routine of greeting people has begun paying off.  There were plenty of smiles to go around today!  Again, one of the ladies complimented me on my great smile and an older guy from another department called me beautiful!  That was flattering and rather strange…  Today I answered my first radio call!  The warehouse guys have begun teasing me; they’ll walk by and say “Faerie copy Faerie” like I’m being radioed.  So far I have not fallen for it but it’s pretty funny anyways. (Author’s Note: As I retyped this entry I didn’t find that funny… I guess you had to have been there! … */facepalm* )  I sliced my finger on a plastic container and had to get a band aide and that was also interesting.  For lunch, the catering lady actually saved me some chicken tortellini!  It was SUPER DELICIOUS!  My feet still hurt intensely, but if my days are like today, then I think everything is going to be great with this job. I realized that having a walking talking (aka radio aka runny screamy (because people run around screaming into them)) hanging from my pocket pulls my pants down just a bit.  It is SUPER annoying because now I’m constantly tugging at my clothes!  Without the radio my clothes work alright.  Today I also realized that I’m the youngest person on my team!  J is 29 and he is the closest person to my age.  Oh!  I forgot about G.  I will ask tomorrow to find out how old he is.  Sometimes I feel really young!  This is none of their first jobs.  My speed at pulling and stocking is definitely improving.  I don’t know how my mistakes record has been but I’m going for zero mistakes!

(Author’s Note:  This paragraph jumps around a lot.  I thought about changing it so it was more logical but leaving it this way really conveys what a streaming consciousness my journal was.  I wrote these entries after working 10-12 hour shifts where I stood and ran around the whole time moving heavy cases.  I had a 45 minute commute in the morning and an hour commute with rush hour traffic on my way home.  When I got home I had to spend an hour feeding my Roommate’s pets.  That was our arrangement:  She was a flight attendant and was only home a few days of each month.  I stayed in her house for the first three months of my employment in BigCity and my rent was to feed the animals consisting of 2 dogs, 1 cat, and 1 pygmy goat and take care of the house.  The cat was an inside cat.  The small dog was an inside/outside dog who sometimes stayed with Roommate’s best friend for weeks at a time.  The big dog who was ancient was an outside dog and shared a fenced area with a grassy area, a kiddy pool, and a play house, that also included part of the large three car garage.  Each animal had an extremely particular diet that I had to adhere to that took about an hour to feed all of them.  (Ask me some other time about it and I might tell you.)  Roommate parked in that garage when she was home.  I slept in the small garage attached to the other side of the house.  Also I am terribly allergic to cats and nature.  You can start to see why I stopped writing about the details of my living situation as more details emerge.  It was not a great situation but I was determined to succeed with this job to prove that I could be successful.  I had a plan and was stubborn enough to live in a garage for five and a half months to try and make it work.)

On a radically different note: My cousin is going off to boarding school!!!!  He leaves in two weeks!  YAY!  There is hope for him yet!  There is hope for my grandparents!  YAY!  I’m going to try and see him before he leaves so he knows we all support this decision and to try and help him see it as the positive opportunity it is.  I’m so glad this is happening!   (Author’s Note:  I have a troubled cousin.  He’s one of those kids that you hope will turn out to be a succuess story about how they overcame their troubled childhood to become an upstanding member of society.  Instead he keeps making poor choices and things are looking bleak for his future.  This boarding school was a chance for him to turn things around, get away from so many negative influences and away from the bad habits.  It was such a big change and the family pinned so many hopes to his being successful there…. Turns out he made worse choices at the school, ended up getting kicked out and as soon as he turned 18 was arrested and tried as an adult for the crimes he committed there.  He is now in jail, rightfully rotting away.  The thing I comfort myself with is this thought:  as much as he adored the Harry Potter series he will not get to know how it ends.  He won’t get to watch the movie or read the books.  He burned so many bridges that no one will send him anything and he has no way of getting it.  It seems like a petty, small thing but I literally cannot handle thinking about real things that go on in jail so I focus on this small, petty punishment and what a big, awful thing it will seem to him and I feel like good about that punishment.  I hope to never hear from him, speak to him, or know anything about him ever again.  Some people can be rehabilitated but some people are just evil.  I believe this cousin is an evil person and I refuse to allow that influence in my life.  This paragraph is the most I’ve talked or thought about him in years.  When I’m done writing it I will go back to happily pretending he does not exist.  If you have someone like this in your life, you are not doing yourself any favors by allowing them to bring such darkness to your days.  Sometimes you have to burn the bridge to keep the crazies from following you across.)

On another different note: I haven’t talked with or heard from Boyfriend at all today.  He seriously sucks at the long distance thing.  I’m lonely and my feelings are hurt.  I feel like I’m the only one who initiates contact.  He is also always busy hanging out with the drama bomb group.  It’s all so strange that I don’t know what to think anymore.  I didn’t talk to him much yesterday either but my positive thoughts kept me feeling alright.  We do GREAT when we’re together but things seem to fall apart when we’re apart… I just miss him so much and I get so sad.  Cliche, as it may be, when he’s around things are brighter and even my sadness is not so sad as it is when he’s around.  I’m going to be now because it’s 9pm now and officiate Late and I’m SO tired! (Author’s Note:  He ended up calling right after I wrote this.  We got better at the long distance relationship thing as we practiced more.  The biggest help was figuring out our schedules and making set plans for talking that worked for both our schedules.  I worked from 5 or 6 in the morning to 4 or 5 in the evening.  He worked in retail with a rotating schedule that could be morning, afternoon, or closing shifts that may not have ended until 9:30.  Sometimes he even had to work late night shifts and our schedules may be exactly opposite.  We overcame that and a lot of the frustration by communicating our expectations, schedules, and affection.  It’s easy to feel lonely across long distances but if you speak each other’s love language it makes the time you do have together that much more special.)

Goodnight and sweet dreams! (Author’s Note:  I always want someone to tell me to have sweet dreams before I go to sleep because I feel like it helps me actually have sweet dreams, instead of nightmares or not being able to sleep.  If there wasn’t someone to tell me, I often wrote it to myself in my journal as a closing thought.  I even would tell all the pets at Roommate’s house to have sweet dreams.  Good karma and all that. 🙂 )


Loose Lips Sink Ships

My favorite quote from today’s training videos: “loose lips sink ships.”  Today was a good day!

I found out it was my Friday (since I worked Monday).  I felt/had-the-most-absurd-urge-to like doing a cartwheel today at work.  I didn’t because I’m pretty sure it’s not within the safety guidelines…

I ran around like a madwoman until lunch.  I missed the caterers again but I had Mountain Dew!  After lunch I was saved from running by doing MORE paperwork (training videos).  I stayed an extra half hour to finish them all.  I worked 38 1/2 hours this week- yay!  When turning in my time sheet I brought my backpack into the warehouse to the time puncher thing.  Apparently this was VERY BAD of me.  On my way out the door I had to take everything out of my backpack at the security desk so security could see I wasn’t stealing.  Blah!  I was really worried because I have my inhaler, but not the box for it with the prescription information saying its mine in there.  Everything was fine and the guard acted like it was no bid deal.  It was annoying and scared me though because I haven’t had to deal with those sorts of security restrictions before!

My supervisor showed me advanced computer programs and gave me a quick run through of them today.  Then she got me security clearance to use them!  NICE! Also, FINALLY!  This morning I decided the Flags will be my nemesis!  They are used in problem areas in the warehouse that seem to rarely be easy problems to solve.  I need to work on scheduling breaks and lunch and sticking to the times.  I was lonely and a bit sad at the end of the day because no on offered or invited me to hang out.  I probably shouldn’t expect too much because people tend to hang out with their training/orientation fellows.  Since I went through orientation by myself I am at a disadvantage.  I hope it gets better soon.  Tonight I had dinner with CollegeFriend!  It was super fun and she even treated me to dinner!  We were going to hang out after dinner, but I got REALLY tired.  It came from being awake at 5am and then working 10 1/2 hours in a warehouse all day.  We will hang out again soon (next week) which will be awesome!

I’ll probably go to CollegeTown tomorrow, driven by the needs to get an allergy shot, some more apartment things, and to see Boyfriend.  I’d wanted to wait so he could have some Brother time but I miss people.  Here there’s no one to help meet my “cuddle quota.”  I have a large personal space bubble and don’t like touching strangers but I really miss hugs! I even miss handshakes or slaps on the back, or even high fives.  It’s strange how you can be surrounded by people and still be so isolated.  It makes me want to branch out a little and try to high five people or something but not really because I seriously HATE germs.  Germs totally freak me out! My OldDog got a hair cut and I can’t wait to see it! He has a bandana and everything so I bet he just looks so smug!

Now, to bed and sweet dreams!