You got married because you make a good team. You are good at doing things together; in fact you enjoy doing things together! Then the wedding planning comes along and suddenly “things together” often evolves into wedding things. I noticed when I was planning a wedding that it was pretty much always lurking in the back of my mind. I would be having a conversation with my fiancé about work, video games, or dinner and in one breath would say something relevant to the conversation and the next breath would be a question about the wedding, or a thought about the wedding. It didn’t matter if I was trying not to bring it up. It didn’t matter if the wedding had nothing to do with what we were talking about. It didn’t even matter if the wedding topic was relevant or not. It only mattered that the wedding leaked into all aspects of my life for the year that I was planning it. In fact, now the wedding is over and it is still leaking into everything. It is noticeable because of the vacuum it left in my life. Instead of constantly thinking, worrying, stressing, planning, organizing, and doing wedding things, I am not doing those things. And I notice. And it’s strange. And I don’t want it to be strange…but it is.
My wedding was almost a month ago and people have pretty much stopped bringing it up. But then I’ve found that I bring it up on accident. We will be talking about something and it will remind me of something that happened at the wedding and I will say it. Then sometimes I am embarrassed about it! How silly is that?! I spent a year planning something and am embarrassed that not even a month later I am still talking about it. I don’t think I need to be embarrassed because it was a big deal and now I’m married, which is also a big deal. It is important to remember that while the wedding is a big deal, so are other things. And while it is ok to think about the wedding, feel about the wedding, and even to obsess about the wedding, it is also ok not to do those things. Yes, I spent a lot of money, time, and effort… but I feel like I am ready to move on now. But while moving on, some of the things I (and my partner) learned and implemented while planning the wedding are going to carry over into married life. We’re still the same people, now we’re just married people with some bad habits and some good habits.
Here are three good habits my husband and I have carried over from wedding planning to married life: Stir Fridays, Tasting Tuesdays, and Wedding Free Wednesdays.
Stir Fridays brings us back to us being a team. My husband and I make a good team. One of the things we enjoy doing together is cooking. So, on Friday (or whatever day “Stir Friday” lands on this week) we make stir fry together. It is an easy meal to make that has a big payoff! We shop for ingredients together choosing whatever sounds good this week. Next we chop vegetables together. Then one of us cooks while the other gets the dishes ready. It is an excuse to hang out together, to remind yourself and your partner why you make a good team. Bonus- Stir Friday can help you practice working as a team if sometimes you struggle with that!
Tasting Tuesday came about because we wanted to try out different rehearsal dinner restaurants. We made a (and keep) a running list of restaurants to try. We tried going on weekends but the places were always packed and sometimes the prices were a bit higher. Also, we usually had plans on weekends so it became tough to coordinate. We decided that there was nothing stopping us from going out earlier in the week, thus Tasting Tuesdays began! We pick a new restaurant every week and go out for dinner on Tuesday. If we tried a restaurant but were not quite sure if we liked it or not, but we wanted to like it, then we add that restaurant back to the list for a later time. If we find a restaurant we really like, then we add that one back to the list too. If the restaurant doesn’t make it back on the list…well hey at least we had an adventure together trying something new!
Wedding-Free Wednesdays came about because we both needed a break from the wedding planning. It was nice to have a no-pressure day. It was nice to have a day where we had permission to focus on other parts of our lives, where we gave ourselves a break from the stress and worry of our To Do Lists. It was nice to be able to forgive each other even if the wedding leaked into the day, which it often did. Wedding-Free Wednesday is a free day to just be together and not talk about the most stressful part of your life. While we no longer have to limit wedding talk, we take turns deciding what topic our Wednesdays will be free of each week. Sometimes it is family, sometimes its friends, sometimes its work. (Work is a bit tough because we still have to go to work, but at least we don’t have to rehash the problems of the workday when we get home.)
The most important things about these days is just to remember how much you love each other. When your love is overshadowed by wedding stress it can be a pretty miserable experience to plan a wedding. When you have islands of time where the stress is brushed aside, overlooked, and perhaps even forgotten while you focus on each other and your relationship without all the guilt or pressure, the wedding planning process because a lot more bearable, and sometimes even fun! Just remember, it’s the pressure-free part that makes these days a respite from the stress. If you make yourself feel bad because you called the florist on Wedding-Free Wednesday, you missed the goal.