To Grandma or Not to Grandma

So a weird thing is going on and I’m not sure how to feel about it.  My dad’s mom has gotten in contact with me recently.  She sent a card and $50 after I got engaged.  I sent a thank you card in response.  Then she sent us a $100 and a card around Christmas.  Again, I sent a thank you card in response.  Then my dad starts telling me she wants me to call her.  I haven’t and I’ve resisted his attempts to make me, just like I have for years.  My feeling has always been that she is the grown up in our relationship.  If she wants a relationship then she needs to initiate it.  Then in February, she sent a card and a heart shaped thing of decorative pink plastic rosebuds.  They are completely useless in every way!  They don’t smell good, they’re not good for anything, and they’re pink!  WTF?!?!?  Then she called me and left me a voice mail.  I am SO CONFUSED!  I finally mailed a thank you cared today after two (at least) conversations with my dad about it and one with my mom (on his behalf (she later told me)).  I don’t want a relationship with this woman.  I’ve always felt like her and her husband tried to buy my love instead of actually loving or spending time or showing affection or interest in my life.  I’m really upset because graduating from high school wasn’t enough for them to care.  Graduating from college in four years, debt free also wasn’t enough to get her involved with my life.  Now I’ve closed that door and moved on and now that I’m getting married, now suddenly she’s interested in having a relationship with me?!  Last time I spoke to her was around my college graduation three years ago.  She didn’t want to talk about anything other then the fact I’d been dating Fiance-Then-Boyfriend for over two years.  We haven’t spoken since.  I finally purged the negative guilt inflicting me about my relationship with EXBF and it feels like my dad’s mom is trying to slide right into that unfulfilled “gap” in my life.  I’m not sure I want that to happen or if I’ll even allow it.  I’ve always said all she had to do was call me.  Well, after almost 25 years of life she finally did call me and it turns out it’s not good enough. It’s too little too late.  I don’t need or want her in my life.  I’ve been so hurt by that woman and her husband that I won’t even call them my grandparents.  I don’t want to open myself up to that again.  Even though my grandma (my mom’s mom) is not doing well, she is still the Grandma Standard in my life.  She has always loved and accepted me for who I am regardless of what’s been going on in my life.  She has always embraced whoever I brought with me to her house and made them feel welcome, whether it was a friend growing up, a college roommate, or a boyfriend or my Fiance.  her and Grandpa were the first ones tot totally accept and love and embrace Fiance as my future life partner.  Their acceptance helped me realized how Fiance was going to be that future in actuality.  My parents love and accept Fiance even if they all have had some rough patches in their relationship.  I miss my grandparents so much!  My dad’s mom will never fill the void that grandma has always filled.  I don’t even want to give her the chance to try.  Maybe someday I’ll regret it but for now I don’t want to open that door to my heart and let her back into my life.

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