Negative Self Perception

Am I still the same person if I’m different when I can’t breathe?  I haven’t been able to breathe for five years… How can I still be my idea of who I am, complete with all my new and past experiences if I don’t take into account how I act and actually interact with the world?  I think of myself as active and outgoing but I don’t do much that’s active. In fact, I’m so inactive I thought being active at my job would case me to lose weight and get into better shape (like I used to be when I could breathe).  It doesn’t seem to have worked.  I’m still overweight and I still can’t breathe.  I have about 6 work t-shirts and only one pair of jeans.  I’m not how I think of myself.  I wonder now if I’m overweight, scruffy, and boring.  I don’t think so but it’s a worrisome and lingering thought.  I guess I need to figure out how to change… either my perceptions or my reality need to change because things are not how I want them to be.  Uh-oh…

(Author’s Note:  The not being able to breathe references my severe allergies to CollegeTown and the surrounding area.  Growing up I didn’t have any allergies but when I went to college I ended up with phemonia twice, seasonal asthma, and bronchitis 4-6 times a year.  I had weekly allergy shots, had to take 3 daily allergy medications, and carry around an inhaler.  I was taking all those medications and still getting that sick.  It really sucked.  There is literally nothing scarier then not being able to breathe.  When you can’t breathe you can’t even say that you can’t breathe.  Also the whole lack of enough oxygen thing makes me incredibly tired ALL THE TIME.  It’s hard to be social and be physically active when you wheeze walking across a room… The Bright-Side:  In BigCity I only take one daily allergy medicine and only get Bronchitus once or twice a year!  The climate is very similar but I think there is too much concrete for the allergens to thrive like they do in CollegeTown.)

 

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